peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
