i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
