HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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