mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
