I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
