he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
