his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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