Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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