id be glad to
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Your cock deserves a montage
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
