dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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