The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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