im about as happy as oj after his trial
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Randomize
