I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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