Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
