How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
