Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
