Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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