It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
