Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
