Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
