She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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