No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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