I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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