I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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