I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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