Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
