Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
