hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
