I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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