I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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