First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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