I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
