Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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