you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
