well I can't set my house on fire every night
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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