Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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