omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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