remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
