Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
