I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
