he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
