I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
