it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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