everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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