a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I skipped work to stalk him.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
