...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
