apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
