i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
