Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
