Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
